Why I Did Badly In Western Art History

Sorry it has been so long! With finals and everything, I found I don't really have the time/energy to write on the side.  Since I was gone for so long, I decided to give you guys a nice little treat! This post will be full of laughs and jokes at my note taking skills.  Without further ado, I give you:

Why I Did Awesome In Western Art History!

First picture:
For those of you who can't read my chicken-scratch, it says, "killed with person".  What person, you may ask? Well, I was asking the same exact thing on the day of the test. It's obviously that one guy, from that one place, with that one thing.
Key Point: I was very specific in my notes.

Second Picture:
Again, for those of you who cannot read my handwriting (my handwriting is better in other pictures, I promise!), it says, "Battle, killing own soldiers so get". 
Key Point: I have amazing sentences that always make sense and are, therefore, easy to study from.

Third Picture:
Don't worry! It's just a beautifully detailed picture of Rome during the Republic Period.  I promise I didn't get THAT bored in class and succumb myself to those inappropriate doodles.
Key Point:  I drew the most detailed pictures to look back on and study from.

Fourth Picture:Can you read what's in the parenthesis? Me neither.
Key Point: I would tell you if I knew, but I honestly don't.

Fifth Picture:
Obviously, that shit was made for woman! Who else could it be for? Disclaimer: I do not remember writing any profanities in my notes, EVER, and do not remember writing this sentence.
Key Point: I simplified what was being said in the lecture to make it easier to go back to later, without knowing what I was doing!

Sixth Picture:
Know what that says? Again, me either.  Best I can make out:
Key Point: "Masilna und his uron to erz"


And last, but certainly the cream of the crop:

Seventh Picture:
Women stayed in the kitchen.  Such true words, and the (sad/awesome) part is, I slightly remember writing this note.
Key Point: I used modern day references to help me remember the living conditions in old Roman society.




I pinkie promise to write something funny and truly amazing soon, and I am sorry I failed you all for so long.  Oh, and just in case anyone was wondering, I ended up with an 82% in my Art class. :)


K.G. Sunshine

Please, Don't Spoil the Movie By Adding Your Own Soundtrack

We have all have seen or experienced the different people that are in the movie theater. Working at a movie theater, I also have much experience dealing with all the different types of people. Now, these stereotypes don't always hold true, so as a disclaimer: Please do not get offended if, while reading this, you realize I am describing you.

Without further ado, I introduce to you, the Movie Goers!

The Talker: Whether it's to the person next to them or on the phone, this person cannot shut their mouth. They comment on the actors/actresses, the plot or (if the movie is based on the book) will spoil the movie for you by saying what happens next. They also enjoy making small, snide comments that they think are funny. In reality, this person is no funnier than a dumpster with a dead body.

The Texter: This person always seems to be sitting in the row one or two rows ahead of you, so the bright light from their cell phone screen distracts you from the movie that you payed a good sum of money to see. They also don't even attempt to hide it. In fact, for the most part it looks like they are attending a Bon Jovi concert during the song, “I'll Be There For You” and they are waving their phone back and forth.

The Laughers: These people are probably the best people on this list to see a movie with (besides the Normal People). Whether is is a hyena, chipmunk or Santa Claus laugh, these people aren't afraid to share it with the entire theater. Even if nothing is funny in the movie, they still find things to laugh about. Example: Bella does one of her infamous gasping/half-gaping mouth moments and the Laugher emits a loud, bellowing laugh.

The Baby: No matter what movie you are seeing,whether it is Happy Feet or Saw XII, there is always a neglected newborn baby in the theater with you. The baby will be starving, have crapped his/her pants and will be terribly tired, but the noise of chopping up bodies is not relaxing enough to sleep. Therefore, this baby will cry on and off your entire movie. The parents could care less about their whining child, and block the shrill cries out of there heads until the movie draws near the last ten minutes. Then it's like a miracle: they are no longer deaf, they hear their child crying and act like the most concerned parent.

The Shooshers: Everyone has encountered at least one of these in their movie watching career. The will find any excuse to “shoosh” the people around them. You cough? Shush. You sneeze? Shoosh! And Heaven forbid your seat creaks, or else they respond with a “SHUT UP!” It's a hard life when you sit by a shoosher. You miss more of the movie by them “shooshing” than the people who are actually making the noise that started the crazed hushing.

The Crier: These are the people that need a box of tissues next to them at all times. Usually female, but I have encountered a few male Criers. I'm not just talking about crying at the generic death or sentimental scenes either. The man is walking down the street in a busy city and they see a homeless person sitting on the bench in the background: Instant tears. The dog in a movie is sitting in the corner with his head in his paws, obviously bored: Heavy sobbing for the neglected dog. I'm all for showing emotion, but there comes a time where you need to man up. They will also usually be blowing their nose quite often during the movie, which causes a major distraction.

The Heavy Breather: This person sounds like they have just ran a marathon and are in desperate need of a deep breath. Every quiet part of the movie, you are instantly drawn to their loud intake and exhale of breath. Usually nasally and you have the occasional whistle. This person needs to take Silent Breathing lessons.

The Kickers/Rockers: You always get excited when you walk into a theater and no one is there. You pick the perfect seat, level with the middle of the screen and near the center of the row. You're disappointed when you see other people walk into the theater, but, it's a big theater! They shouldn't need to sit next to you. Without a doubt, they sit in the seat behind you. You feel your seat fly forward as the “accidentally” hit the back of the chair. This accident occurs about fifty more times throughout the movie. More people enter the theater and, even though the ENTIRE rest of the theater is open, they choose the seat in front of you. As soon as they sit, they plop back in their seat and rock all the way back to hit your knees. They slightly turn and say sorry, and this occurs about thirty more times throughout the movie.

The Couple: I'm all for love, so don't take this the wrong way, but there is nothing worse then when I am sitting in a movie and two rows in front of me, I see two people converge as one big blob and hear face sucking. Major face sucking. That's the reason you have things called “homes” and “bedrooms”, don't do that in the movie theater. It's gross.  Watch the movie.

The Giggling Teenage Girls: The girls who only come to see a movie for the big hollywood tween sensation. Worse in movies with any mainstream “hot” guy (ei. Ryan Gosling, Taylor Lautner). Giggle and make a big ruckus whenever the man appears on the screen and have no idea of the actual plot or other actors/actresses in the movie.

The Slurpers and Cow Chewers: If you are really that thirsty where you are going to sit there and slurp your drink until you get the very last drop of soda out, I will give you five dollars to go and get a new pop. If you are REALLY that thirsty. And, didn't your mother ever teach you to chew with your mouth closed? It's honestly disgusting when I am sitting ten rows away from you and I can hear you chomping on your Reeses Pieces and popcorn. Close your mouth and get a refill you Slurpers and Cow Chewers.

The Demon Children: Running through the aisles, screaming in the theaters or constantly turning to your mother and asking her, “Mom, what happened?” is annoying, little demon children. Please, take a hint from Billy and Mary Jane here who are both sitting quietly in their chairs. There is a reason people like Billy and Mary Jane and then think you are annoying. Another thing, for Heaven's sake, parents, gain control of your children. If you can't control them, you shouldn't be taking them to a movie in the first place. (To the little girl that went and saw Twilight and kept on asking her brother what was going on: Wait until your older when you can understand what is happening. Asking your brother how she got pregnant in the middle of the movie in not an appropriate time or place for that question...)

Testosterone-Filled Males: To all my boys out there that will not succumb to seeing a stupid “girl” movie, this one is you! You love those movies full of action, adventure, and Jackie Chan or Bruce Willis. Screw the plot! As long as there are car chases and guns, you are one happy camper. In fact, whenever there is an explosion, you hoot and holler with joy. Whenever they show a nice car, you pretend to like it and pretend to know exactly what type of car it is. Whenever they show a chick, the less clothes she wears, the hotter you believe she is. You are just the average Testosterone-Filled Male.

The Normal People: Thank the Lord for people like you. You get to your show before the actual film starts, you chew with your mouth closed and you sit nicely throughout the entire movie. You also appreciate movies with actual substance and don't go for movies based on actors or whether or not they are “action-y” or not. If you consider yourself in this category, re-read all of the other options because, chances are, you aren't normal and do one or more of the things listed above. Unless of course, you actually ARE normal. In that case, congratulations! People like you because of your movie theater etiquette!

Happy Thanksgiving!

K.G. Sunshine

Reduce, Reuse and Recycle

I feel bad for you guys because you can probably tell that I am stalling.  I just have a lot on my plate right now with two exams tomorrow and I have been working quite a lot. So, this is sort of an old piece that I wrote a while back, but I would love feedback! I do realize that it is kind of creepy, and yes, I promise I'm a normal person and not some psychotic maniac. 

That being said, here's the story:

Two children, a boy and girl, were walking down a long, abandoned road in the middle of the winter season. Covered in layers of coats, sweatshirts, gloves, hats and scarves, they slightly waddled their way home. A forest slept to their left with only the sounds of leaves and branches rustling in the wind coming from the dark abyss. To their right a small pond slept, frozen over and motionless.

The two children walked in silence for a long time, until the girl looked over at the boy. She noticed he was glancing into the forest, and his face was etched with worry.

"What's wrong?" she asked, but her voice was carried away with the wind. She moved her arm, slightly bumping his, to gain his attention. "What's wrong?" she repeated, louder this time.

"I-, I-, I thought I saw something," he said, taking another quick glance into the forest. The girl rolled her eyes and let out a slight laugh.

"Stop chasing shad-" she started, but she was stopped when she heard breaking branches coming from the forest.

The children both stopped, turning to face the forest. "What, what was that?" the girl asked. The boy let out a scared cry and ran around to the other side of the girl, using her as a shield from the forest. The girl noticed something moving toward her and closed her eyes and threw up her hands to protect herself as it bounded from the woods in her direction.

After a few seconds, she heard the boy utter a soft “Wow.” She slowly opened her eyes and lowered her hands. Standing before them was a beautiful buck. His golden fur was shining with a blinding brightness against the dreary white and gray of the snow. His antlers sprouted from his head and extended in a wild pattern around his head. His eyes were locked on the children, watching them in silence.

“Don’t move,” the girl whispered softly to the boy still behind her. The buck’s head quickly turned towards the girl and their eyes met. Neither moved for what seemed like hours to the girl. Finally, the buck turned his head and attention to crossing the road.

He leapt into the middle of the road, just as an old red truck came flying down the lane. There was the sound of tires sliding through the snow, and the boy and girl stood motionless on the side of the road. The buck turned his head toward the truck, and watched it, much like he had watched the girl only moments earlier. The truck continued to slide in the buck’s directions and, in the split second before he was hit, the girl could see the muscles in his legs relax.

It seemed like the moment lasted forever, but in a second it was over. The truck ended up crashed into the shallow pond, the buck’s body ended up laying twenty feet off the shore, its body half in the water, its head and front legs lying on top of the ice. His eyes glanced into the distance, not moving, as blood slowly spread on the ice around his head. The driver of the truck jumped out; he was only a young boy, not older than twenty.

He walked around his truck, looking at the damage of the engine and front bumper. He ran his hands through his hair as he shouted curses and profanities.

“Let’s get out of here,” the boy whispered as he tugged on the girls arm, but the girl just stood there on the side of the road, her eyes never leaving the silent head of the buck.


K.G. Sunshine

All About Meme

What better to describe myself than a meme?
Made this one myself. I feel like this best represents my life.

At a loss of what to write about for you lovely people, hence the picture I made instead. Let me know what else you would like to see/read, though!

K.G. Sunshine

Team Edward or Team Jacob? How About Team No.

In honor of the midnight release of Twilight, I decided to write about all of the things I find wrong with the Twilight movies, AND the books. And it's a lot. Maybe it is just because I'm bitter. Or maybe it's because I'm actually a level-headed, rational person.

First of all, let's address this “Bella” character. She obviously needs to be on medication, based on her seizures in the movies, but other than that, I would say she is an average teenage girl. Emotionally unstable, irresponsible, incompetent, and just a plain disgrace to girls like me. Remember those emotional unstable girls I talked about in my Classifieds blog? Yeah, she's like the definition. I understand you are upset about your parents divorce and moving around and starting over, but honestly, can you smile once?! You do not smile at all during the movie and just have that stupid half-gaping look on your face. You're life is not that bad at all. You have a dad that does everything he can in order to connect with you, and YOU shut him out, and instead throw yourself at the nearest vampire. What a role model for our young girls out there! Maybe you should be happy that you have a roof over your head, parents that both love you very much and food to eat every day.

Also, it's not like everyone hates her (in the book that is! In real life most people do, but that's a whole different story!). I mean, the hottest guy of every Forks High School girls' dreams walks up to her and asks her to prom! And she doesn't like him? Like that would ever happen. Any girl with the mind like hers obviously would just go for the first guy that made themselves available.

Another problem I have with Bella, in the books she thinks like a forty-four year old woman, critically analyzing everything and so aware of everything that is going on around her.

Things that she thinks:

“My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity of my funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with red and blue lights on top.”

“It was nice to be alone, not to have to smile and look pleased; a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape.”

“I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase if looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind.”

Things she says:

“They are.....very nice-looking.”

“Once people start throwing wet stuff, I go inside.”

“I'm fine.” (Phrase repeated about 235 times in first book, and used to describe clothes/events at least fifty more times.)

You would think that with her extensive vocabulary in her thoughts, she would be able to describe things a bit better. Isn't that a little bit fishy to anyone else, or is it just me?

Now let's move on to Edward. Basically, he is the epitome of every girls worst nightmare as far as guys go. The only reason they like him is because he is a) a vampire and b) supposedly hot. Cedric Diggory was hot, but, Cedric didn't sparkle and had more of an olive complexion. Edward Cullen looks like a dead body with glitter glue.....girls find that attractive? Shameful. Now, every girl talks about how much they wish they had a guy like Edward.

So you want a guy that will:

1. Try to drink your blood and kill you.
2. Get mad at you for not being able to read your thoughts.
3. Tell you that he never wants to see you again, multiple times.
4. Break your heart, multiple times.
5. Be bipolar (talk you to one day, ignore you the next)
6. Get mad when you get a paper cut.

Sounds like the EXACT opposite of what girls say they want. Yet, they blindly follow Edward around in his sparkle parade? I bet if a boy walked up to you with sparkles on, one thought would be running through your head: He's probably gay. You wouldn't think: Oh my God, a vampire?! I honestly get mad when I think about everything that Edward put Bella through. And the fact that they “fell in love” so fast just makes me even more enraged. He thinks she smells, she gets offended, and then she sings of her love for him? Awesome.

Now, for all you Jacob haters out there: He is the most sane guy in the book. People say he is needy and clingy, but I can bet you any money that if a guy walked up to one of the girls saying he was “too needy” and acted the way that Jacob acted in the book, the girl would be totally smitten with him and fall in love with him. The only reason you don't like him is because, HE GETS IT! He sees how big of a jerk Edward is and cares about Bella and doesn't want to see her get hurt. Honestly, Jacob is hotter (literally, ah har har har, twilight joke!), more sensible and more reliable than Edward was and ever will be.

With that being said, Stephanie Meyer does give him some character flaws. He gets jealous. I find this to be a perfectly acceptable quality, especially since he isn't crazy jealous, he is rightly jealous. He is stubborn, but nowadays, who isn't? He has a bad temper, but nothing even close in comparison with Edwards bipolar-ness. And he can be a bit cocky at times. Let me ask you a serious question: If you had that body, wouldn't you be a bit cocky at times?

Obviously, I'm more of a fan of Jacob, but I think they are all vastly overrated and ridiculous. I mean, the books were wonderful for the most part. I believe Stephanie Meyers is a fantastic writer, but based on her novel The Host, not the twilight saga. The Host is a brilliant novel with a mainly original idea and plot behind it.

Basic point: I can't wait until twenty years from now, when every single girl who is going to the Breaking Dawn midnight premier will realize that their dreams of falling in love with a vampire or werewolf have not happened and will never come true.

K.G. Sunshine

Catching Some Z's in Art History

My Western Art History class (as you may know from my previous blog post, People Aren't Smart) is bright and early at 8:00am. I know what you are thinking:

“Kristina, you had to wake up earlier than that for high school and middle school every day for the past seven years. It isn't that bad.”

Well, waking up at six in the morning for the past 1,260 days (give or take a day) has left me burnt out and tired. What can I say? I'm getting old! I need my rest! Fun fact for ya: If I would have slept in just an extra fifteen minutes every day, I would have gotten an extra 315 hours of sleep. That five minutes that you press snooze and go back to sleep, that no one says matters? Turns out that it all adds up.

Since my class is so early and I have been working a lot of late nights, I found myself falling asleep every day in class. I definitely would not mean to! If my plan was to sleep, I would have just stayed in my nice, warm bed and not expose myself to the frigid, morning air. I go to class to learn. Just so happens that my body doesn't feel like learning most days, and falls asleep on me. I asked a bunch of people for advice, because it was becoming a problem. When I would be watching her talk and writing down notes on the information she said, my eyes would close and my brain would shut off. I couldn't help it! It wasn't my choice.

• First piece of advice: Get more sleep.

Oh, really?! That will help me be not as tired?! Oh great! I will get right on that! Oh, wait. I work every night and don't get home until almost eleven and then have homework and stuff to do. If I could have, I would have. This obviously isn't a viable option.

• Second piece of advice: Chew gum!

That actually worked for a good ten minutes, until I stopped chewing and fell asleep. Then when I started chewing again it worked....until I fell asleep while chewing the gum. Obviously, I was pretty tired in class.

• Third: Drink water!

This seemed like a great way to stay awake in class! I was so excited to try out this idea; I brought my huge 64 oz water bottle to class. I started drinking it, and it worked! Except I had to leave three times to go to the bathroom. So, I was missing about the same amount of information as I would if I was sleeping, maybe more! So that idea was a bust (Someone told me, “Just hold it until the end of class!” Okay, you try drinking 64 oz and holding it for an hour. It's difficult.).

• Four: Pay attention in class.

I attempt this every day. It doesn't work.

And that was all the advice I got. I asked people for more, and they just shrugged their shoulders and didn't know what to tell me. I sighed and moved on with life. I fell asleep in class most days and would be proud if I stayed awake for a majority of class. Then my life changed.

I came into class two minutes before it started. Usually I am there ten minutes early like the rest of the class. Instead, the entire rest of the class was sitting in their seats, and I stroll in two minutes before the teacher began the lesson. It was awesome having everyone look at you, but it was even more awesome trying to find a seat. I finally found an open one (in the middle of the row!) and did the “awkward 'Scuse me shuffle” and popped a squat next to a random dude. Because of this, I was very uncomfortable all of class and did not fall asleep once.

So, if you are having trouble staying awake in class and you have tried all of the ways other people have suggested; chewing gum, drinking water, getting more sleep or paying attention; and nothing has worked for you, try this amazing K.G. endorsed way!

• Show up to class right before it is time to start, and sit next to a random person you do not know. This way you will feel uncomfortable and not trust falling asleep next to them!

This message is approved by

K.G. Sunshine

Nice, Old People Are My Kryptonite

Worked at the movie theater again this past weekend! It was a bad time for Tubs sales for me (last weekend I sold 10, this weekend, I sold three...One was to my parents, and I all but forced one lady to buy it....) and overall people just treated me awful. Of course, my co-workers are amazing and make it that much better.

Let me start out by addressing the title and saying this: If you are an old person, and walk up to my register with a smile and call me “sweety” or “honey”, I will be like Jell-o in your hands. I would walk the ends of the Earth for anything to make you happy. You want fresh popcorn? I will run over and fill you up a bag that is still popping from the popper. You want extra sauce for your chicken tenders? I'll give you a BBQ and a Ranch. You want help carrying the popcorn to your theaters? I will gladly walk all the way to theater number 19 (the one the furthest away from the concession stand) just to make you happy. Nice, old people truly are my Kryptonite.

Just because you are old, however, does not make you nice. One way to crush my dreams is to stand in line, looking like an awesome, super-nice, old person and then getting up to the counter and yelling at me and complaining about all your problems. It lets me down and crushes my soul.

Let me now enlighten you all with a little secret: I am not a slave. I realize you want your popcorn and some soda, but honestly, uttering even a soft “please” and “thank you” will not kill you. And for Pete's sake, I am still a human being. Don't treat me like some sort of animal. Do you think I like serving you? And to all those people who come up to the counter all ticked off and angry for no good reason, do you realize how lucky you are? Honestly, can you imagine a life where there isn't a movie theater and little theater clones to serve you and your every wish? Imagine a life where you do not have any freedoms and live every day in fear. Now, doesn't that make you a little happier with your life and make you less likely to take it out on someone who is serving you food and drink? I would hope so. And for all of you business people that come up to the concession stand acting like you are SO much better than the concession workers, don't you remember your first minimum wage job? Do you remember how you felt when people treated you like crap? Yeah, it wasn't cool, was it?

Also, I realize you heard the Tubs pitch when you went up to get your tickets. It is my job, however, to say the benefits of the membership and to try and get you to buy it at the concession stand. Trust me, I don't enjoy saying it over and over again (my voice doesn't enjoy it either and I end up losing it half the time). So when I am explaining it to you, don't get mad at me. I'll get fired if I don't tell you about it. I'm only taking up at MOST fifteen seconds, I think you can suffer. Another point, you only need to say “No,” once. If I ask you and you reply with:

“No, oh no, nope. I don't need that rewards program, that's not for me. Nope! Not at all.”

I will simply say, “No, yourself. If you say 'No' one more time, I will unknowingly charge you for an extra cheese and spit in your ICEE when I walk around the concession stand to grab it for you.” Okay, obviously, I won't do that, but that's what I feel like saying/doing sometimes. You only need to say no once and I get the picture!

For all you people who say I only go to the movies “once a year”, I call bull-crap on that one! I understand if you don't go that often, but when you say the last time you say a movie was Crazy, Stupid Love, I know for a fact you are lying. Although it seems like it was such a long time ago, that was only three or four months ago. And if you spend sixty dollars at the concession stand, I think you can afford to spend six dollars for the program (especially if you will save three dollars from popcorn and drinks; so in reality it's like spending only three more dollars).

But, as always, the people I work with are wonderful. I worked with my lovely Abby-kins, Lisa, Ashley, Jo-Jo, Ryan, Jake and Anna. They made my life awesome this weekend, not to mention I found out a few of them had been reading my blog, which made me happier than like anything. So a huge shout out to them and their lovely selves.

“How much is that number one combo?”

“$13.25”

“$13.25? For a popcorn and a pop?!”

“Yes ma'am.”

“That is absolutely ridiculous, oh my gosh.”

“Were you getting it today?”

“Yeah, that is so awful. Way too expensive.”

fills up popcorn and pop

“Oh my gosh, those are such huge sizes!!”

…..

K.G. Sunshine

Trending Now! This is What We Care About?

 

People are seriously the most ridiculous thing on this Earth. How many of you are aware of the economical troubles in Greece and Italy and the EU being at risk to lose their currency? How many are aware of the system of “Presidency” in Russia and how Putin plans on taking back over the presidency as soon as the next term is finished? How about the latest travels of President Barack Obama to the Southern States to hold conferences to gain more votes for the upcoming election? Can you name two of the Republican candidates that are in the debate and voting process for presidency? If you don't know the answers to any of those questions, please pick up a newspaper or actually look up something on the internet that is worth your time. People seriously make me face-palm, sometimes (this would be the act of the palm of your hand connecting to your face as you slowly shake your head with shame).

Now, for the reason I say this: I went to log in on my Yahoo email, like the 250 million other people who hold Yahoo accounts (I was shocked by this number, until I saw a statistic on Facebook saying they had over 800 million active users; Crazy, huh?). I decided to look for an article that I could address, since someone found my most recent post (Stories from inside a coffee shop) a bad topic. I figured the person who didn't like it just might want some real-world applications of big-picture events. So, I was looking for maybe a political article or a world event that I could write about. I found on the front page of Yahoo today, they have two articles about different football related events (football doesn't necessarily interest me unless I am watching an actual game. As for the players lives; they don't get involved in my life, I won't get involved in theirs), an article about a 23 year-old actress giving J Lo a “run for her money” because they wore the same dress (people act like that is such a big deal, people wear the same type of clothes everyday, it's not always with hateful intent), an article on the tiny changes you can make to improve health, and ONE article on a Republican candidate for presidency (not about anything important, but rather, his wife saying the allegations of him not respecting woman are vicious lies. So much more important than his platform and changes he would make if President, right?) This wasn't necessarily the thing that made me face-palm.

In the top right corner of their site, they have a box called Trending Now. It is for shame that I must make those words purple, but that is the color they are on the website. It is a list of the top ten news related articles that people are looking up from yahoo. What would you expect the number one to be? Let me tell you, I did not expect it to be “Bublé on Kardashian”. It actually took me a minute to remember who those people were (After a few minutes: Kardashians are those rich, high maintenance people. Few more minutes: Oh! Bublé is that awful singer!). Throughout my life, I have found it very silly how people look up and idolize so-called “famous” people. Why follow their lives? Seriously, though, who cares when or where they went shopping and got their hair done last week? I do not care if they ate at a sushi restaurant with a random average Joe yesterday. Have you ever thought that they just wanted to be treated like a normal person for once, and that maybe that is why they are hanging out with the average Joe person? Like previously stated, “celebrities” don't care about my life, so I don't worry about theirs.

Since I do not follow the actions of celebrities, I had no idea what the whole “ Bublé on Kardashian” thing was referring to. I clicked on it, only to start laughing. Apparently, at one of his concerts, he told the audience that Kim Kardashian was a special guest, and after a second of a confused audience, he said “Nah, just f****** with you! That b**** isn't coming on my stage.” Really? Really?! I started like major outburst laughing. Who does that?! I mean I understand Kim just had like some sort marriage and everyone of making fun of it or something (like I said, I don't follow celebrities lives), but really? That is just awful. I mean, I found it funny, but not the time or place. I just looked it up on Yahoo, and a high percentage of his songs appeal to a younger age group. Do you really want to be that type of influence?

Number two on the list: Kris Humphries. I do not know this person. I am now clicking on the link for more information of who this is. Oh! Ironic, it is the guy that was married to Kim Kardashian (do you see how bad at this celebrity business I am?). Is Kim Kardashian really that awesome and amazing that everyone flocks to her life rather than living their own? (I just Google-imaged her, first picture is so funny. I think she is trying to be attractive but her eyes are two noticeable different sizes and she is doing her own rendition of a duck face smile. That is what would be considered attractive nowadays?) Just Google-imaged Kris Humphries. What a shame, he is sort of attractive! Chances of me seeing/meeting him = never, so I move on to number 3 on the list.

Pippa Middleton. Is that a spice? Two teaspoons baking soda and a pinch of Pippa Middleton. I could see it! Just clicked on the name, and she is an English party planner! Her sister is the Duchess of Cambridge, Catherine. Now this made me laugh. The reason she is number three on the list is because she will no longer be attending the 2011 London Holiday gala. I find myself repeating this word a lot in this post, but really?? She pulls out of going to (what I presume to be) a ball or holiday event of some sort and she is the third most looked up thing on Yahoo? The reason she is not attending is because of a bad break-up with Alex Loudon, a former English cricketer. Awesome. I don't even want to waste another second of my time talking about this. But I must go on for you lovely people! How else will you be up to date on this obviously important information?

I just refreshed the page and now there is a new top ten. This important news sure changes fast! The number one is still the same, but the list now reads as follows:

2. Megan Fox
3. Kris Humphries
4. Joe Frazier funeral
5. Coldplay
6. Neil Patrick Harris
7. Leonardo DiCaprio (Great performance in J. Edgar, by the way, as strange as that movie was)
8. Breaking Dawn premier (shoot me now...)
9. Penn State

And last, but certainly not least

10. HIV

Now, I now how much all of you love this information, but if you would like to, oh, I don't know, actually LEARN something of value, you might want to check out these websites.

The Bail-Out in Greece

http://www.economist.com/blogs/charlemagne/2011/05/greece_and_euro

Republican Presidential candidates

http://2012.republican-candidates.org/

Please, I do not need another reason to face-palm. The gentlemen sitting at the table behind me are already seriously making me face-palm enough for the entire world. Quoting Family Guy, a mediocre show at best, does not make you cool, and chugging protein shake and saying it fries your brain leads me to the question, what brain?

K.G. Sunshine

"I Have a Grande, Two-Pump, Non-Fat, No Whip, Extra-Hot Mocha!"

I'm in that awkward situation right now where I am sitting in a coffee shop (NOT my place of work, but I can guarantee you I will smell like coffee by the time I leave), and I chose a spot by the door. Not just by the door, I can live with the nice cool breeze of late fall air. FACING the door. So I'm the first thing that every single person looks at before they walk into the store. Being an animal (humans are animals), whenever I see movement, my attention goes to the person/thing that is moving. That is what a good, alert animal does, right? Well this is definitely not working out for me.

I end up staring at the person with a “What is going on?” look, and they casually return the look as they pull open the door. We continue locking gazes until I pretend to slightly cough and turn my attention back to my computer. It's not like I want to creepily stare at them, it's just human nature! And I'm pretty sure the guy sitting behind me right now thinks I have a really bad cold and should take some cough medicine for the amount of coughing that I am doing. For a Friday night, this place sure seems like a hot spot!

Now, I know what you're thinking: KG, it is a Friday night! Why are you wasting your time in a coffee shop when you could be out partying, hanging out with friends, doing anything else besides sitting in a coffee shop?! And on 11/11/11?! For shame!!

Good question.

I had every intention to not be at a coffee shop. In fact, three days ago, my plan by this time was to be doing my hair and make-up and getting ready for a wedding (going to a wedding; not having one myself, as lovely as that would be). Things did not fall through however, and, let's just leave it to rest at the fact that I am no longer attending said wedding. But, I would like to send out a huge congratulations to the bride and groom: Steph and Dan, I hope you both have a fantastic night and enjoy spending the rest of your lives together. You both deserve every happiness.

So, back to me in the coffee shop. A guy just walked in. He smiled. At me.

I coughed and looked down. Maybe I am getting a cold? Or maybe I'm just too afraid of talking to people. I wouldn't doubt either of the hypotheses.

I'm finding it very entertaining how many people are having trouble opening the door, though. I understand that it is getting colder out and the air pressure inside and outside and all that scientific crap, but really? It's one of those super-easy-to-open doors! I didn't have problems (that I know of) opening the door. A guy just literally put all of his weight on the door and it didn't open. I feel bad watching people struggle like that, but at least I'm not laughing.

Yet.

Okay! Back to the point of this blog post! So last night I was lying in bed and I was truly troubled because I didn't know what to write about for all of you lovely people. Then I thought about things that I do or think that make me super weird and would be interesting to read about. So here goes one of my deepest (maybe not the deepest), darkest (maybe not the darkest) and more interesting (again, not the most interesting) secrets that I have: When I see people I don't know, I make up stories for them.

Some of you just went, “Oh my goodness, I do that too!” And the rest of you went, “Wait, what do you mean, you make up stories? Do you, like, tell them stories?”

Here is what I do, I see a person (I will give you examples in the following paragraphs), and I have no clue of their name/past/life. First thing I will do is name them. Second, I will think of a reason as to why they could be here. Thirdly, I fill in the rest of their life. Now, I'm sitting facing a corner, so in order to do this, I must move to sit on the other side of the table. I can guarantee the guy sitting behind me will be a little weirded out that I am switching sides, and therefore be facing him, but he can suck it up and deal with it.

All situated, and he didn't seem too weirded out. We're in business.

First victim: Her name is Mary. She is about 5' 5” and has greasy, dirty blonde hair that is pulled back into a bun. A scar marks her right cheek as a constant reminder of her accident. She is sitting with her mother, Valerie. Her mother, with a short, blonde bob of hair and gold-rimmed glasses sitting atop her nose, shakes her head as they talk about their life. Mary viciously glances around at everyone in the place, as she worriedly talks to her mother. She throws me a few glances, and I respond by looking deep into the keys of my laptop. She talks to her mother about her trailer, how she is finding it hard to pay the bills. Her mother returns with a heartily chuckle. She motions for the door, and they walk out together. (Too bad they left, I would have loved to go in depth on the accident and what happened. Maybe I will continue this another day.)

Second Victim: Her name is Julianne. Red curls flow down from the roots of her head, past her shoulders, almost carrying all the way to her elbow. She has swept all of her hair to her right side, her head cocked slightly in the same direction to stop her hair from leaving its' place. Her long, fragile neck glistens in the small beam of sunlight from the window behind her. A smile stretches from her face as she checks her phone. It is the current man in her life, Leo. His full name is Leonardo, but after their second date to that beautiful Italian restaurant, as he held her close, he whispered in her ear, “You can call me Leo.” As soon as she arrived home, she changed the contact in her phone from 'Leonardo' to 'Leo'. Whenever he texts or calls, it is a small reminder of the wonderful night at the restaurant, and the events that happened after. He texts telling her that he misses her smile and how he needs to see her again soon. She holds up her phone and texts him back. She tries to control the smile on her face, but it cannot be hidden. “Did you want to go out at”, she glances down at her computer for the time. 4:00pm. She thinks to herself, if I leave in an hour, I can go home, get ready and be ready by 6:00. She finishes the text and sends it to him, then goes back to work on her computer, the ghost of a smile still haunting her face.

(At this point in time, I feel creepy, because everything she does can in some way relate to the story and I believe it to be truth. Plus I think the guy who was sitting behind me, now across from me, has noticed how often I look over at her and is wondering what the heck I am doing. But I continue!)

She refreshes her Facebook page on her computer, waiting to see if Leo has accepted her friend request yet so she can look through his profile. She sees a close friend of hers, Charlotte, online and quickly chats her about the potential date with Leo. Charlotte has been Julianne's close friend since junior year in high school. Now, both in their mid-twenties, they still remain as close as ever.

(Made contact with the guy sitting across/behind me. Asked him to watch my stuff while I went to the restroom. Not only did he accept my offer with a “Sure!” but my stuff was still there when I got back! Bonus!)

She anxiously jumps as she watches her phone vibrate on the table next to her laptop. She grabs at her phone, but realizes she must look over-dramatic, and slows herself down as to protect her image. She opens the text and it reads, “I would love to take you out again. Unfortunately, I'm working late tonight. How does 8:30pm work?” She overlooks the fact that this is the fourth time in a row she has wanted to get dinner and he has pushed it back because he has “worked late”. She sees this as him being hardworking and doesn't calculate that this past week, he has worked an unusual 65 hours. She doesn't bother calculating how many hours he has worked, even though she thinks she knows the exact 65 hours he has worked.

(Three more people have stopped at the door, not been able to open one side, and had to use the other side. It doesn't take that much muscle, people!)

A notification pops up on her Facebook page. Her expression lightens, seeing it is him accepting her friend request. She quickly jumps to his profile and reads everything that is on his wall and in the information section. Her expression hardens in a matter of seconds. She goes through picture after picture; him and Carly kissing, Anne sitting on his lap, Victoria hugging him from behind, both smiling at the camera, Samantha kissing him on the cheek as he flashes a smile to the camera, Beth and him sitting together in one chair at a bonfire, both unaware of the camera and distracted by each others' lips. She gets instantly disgusted as she goes to his Facebook wall and sees post after post from random girls saying how much they miss him and how they had a great time the last time they were together.

(The guy sitting behind/across from me and I just had awkward eye contact. I'm afraid to look up from my computer again....)

She clicks on the most recent post. A message from Amanda that reads, “I miss you so much! When can I see you again?? ;)”, and Julianne becomes concerned as to what lies in the 27 comments. A Facebook error page pops up. It reads, “An error has occurred: This post may have been deleted or reported and is no longer available.” Her jaw drops. What was in those 27 comments on his Facebook page? She refreshes his profile and all of the pictures and posts have disappeared. The most recent post is now one of his statuses, the night that he and Julianne were together at the Italian restaurant. The status reads, “Just had one of the best nights of my life. I can't wait to spend another day with her.”

(Julianne is still here, but I got bored with her story, for now, and wish to move on.)

Third victim: His name is James. He sits at his table, behind his computer, motionless except for the slight movement of his fingers on the keyboard. His five o’clock shadow has turned into pristine facial hair as No-Shave November continues. He has a troubled look on his face as he types on his computer. He is on Facebook, and his girlfriend is messaging him with pre-break-up phrases. “I'm so confused right now”, “Things don't look like they are working out”, “I don't know what to think anymore”. It wasn't anything he did, and he knew that this moment was coming. Every other one of her boyfriends she had broken up with when they got too close. Sure he cared about her, but he knew this was going to happen from the moment he asked her out. He just wanted something to pass the time. Now he realized that he wanted someone a bit more serious about relationships. He cuts to the chase and sends her a message, “Are you happy with me, or did you want to break up?” His intentions were never to break up with her over the internet, but if she started the conversation, he might as well make her decide rather than let her play with his emotions. She messaged back, “I love you, but it's just not working. I'm so sorry”, and signed offline. Within another two minutes, she changed her relationship status on Facebook to single. In five minutes time, she had updated her status from her phone saying, “I hate crying. I hate this feeling of emptiness. . . :(“. Upon seeing this, James couldn't help but laugh. She broke up with him and she's the one upset? Oh well, he thought shrugging his shoulders. He looked up to the girl who was sitting across from him in the coffee shop he was at. Her hair flowed straight down over her shoulders and her eyes were locked on her computer screen and she continuously typed away. He thought that she was very attractive, and she seemed very kind when she had asked him to watch her stuff while she used the restroom. She had a beautiful smile, also. Now that there was nothing stopping him, he slowly rose from his seat and walked over to the unsuspecting girl.

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed my scenarios. Yes, I was the unsuspecting girl and no that did not actually happen. It was just part of the story. (Although there is still time for it to come true!) If you lovely people found any/all of these scenarios interesting and want me to continue, let me know! I would love to write more about these random people in the coffee shop, or if you guys want to hear new ones, just comment and let me know what you want!

Happy Veteran's Day!

Oh, and Happy 11/11/11!

K.G. Sunshine

P.S.  By the title, it looks like I have bad grammar, but it is in the voice of the Barista handing out the drink, not a person ordering.

They Paved Paradise, and Put Up a Parking Lot

This weekend, I was reminded just how lucky I have it in life. The worst thing that could possibly ever happen to me, happened this weekend. Not only to me, but also my whole family. It was the most dreadful event ever and caused us such traumatic pain that I do not know how we will recover. I spent my nights sobbing and my days moaning and reminiscing on an easier time in life, before this fateful incident.

The hot water heater in my house broke.

Okay, obviously I was over-exaggerating, but only to get my point across. You really have no idea how bad it is until it happens to you! I mean, imagine this: You wake up, snuggled in an oversized hoodie, with a beautiful warm comforter that your mother made you wrapped around you like a blanket of safety. A smile is stretched across your face as your hands extend from either side of you and you let out a soft yawn-, not an “I'm tired” yawn, but an “I'm content with waking up and super happy” yawn. You roll over, eventually drifting out of bed and going downstairs. You walk into the bathroom, turn on the lights, shut/lock the door, and turn on the water for the shower.

Ice shoots out of the shower head. Yes, ice. That is how cold my showers have been for the past three days.

You fall to the floor crying, asking God why he has done this to you and you enter a panic mode. You can't shower in ice! But you cannot go out in public with that strange afro/dead animal looking thing atop your head. You have no choice but to step in the shower.

When the water hits you foot, you instantly start to freeze. Goosebumps plague your skin as a devilish reminder of how cold you are. You think back to the times where you were warm, lying in bed. As you begin washing your hair, it only gets worse, the cold water beats your head like hail in a snowstorm and you feel a cold chill down your spine, but you stick it out under the freezing faucet. The cold water trickles down from your hair to your back, causing you to cry out in agony because of the pain in the ice-water, but you have no choice. You must get clean.

As I was going through all of this in my shower, I thought of the little, starving children in Africa (that is usually my go-to when I want to remember how good my life is). I thought about how they would kill for a shower this cold in the summer months in Africa, but they have no relief. Upon thinking of this scenario, I found myself straightening my posture (I was curled over from the cold water beating my back), placing my hands on my hips and looking to the sky in a Superman pose. I said to myself, (in Superman's voice, of course):

“Kristina! You can and will make it through this shower. You have to; you need to be strong, now. Stick out this shower for the little kids in Africa. Show them that you are grateful for a shower as cold as this, and that you admire their spirit as they accomplish everything they do. Make them proud!”

Good thought, right? Well, when this didn't work and I was still cowering away from the cold water emerging from the shower-head, I attempted a different approach. I imagined that, No, this water isn't cold at all; In fact, it is piping hot! This had better results. I managed to finish the shower. It was probably the quickest shower that I have ever taken, also. I want to say it was about five minutes of just excruciating pain. As soon as I got out of the shower, I bundled up in a sweatshirt, coat, hat, gloves, scarf, two pairs of socks, boots, leggings, jeans, sweatpants, and a ski mask. I was still cold. Okay, obviously, again, just kidding about that. But I did put a sweatshirt and a coat on and I was still frozen to the bone for a good four hours.

The next day, my shower lasted a good two minutes. My will power had run out and I could not last another second in that ice box. I hopped out just about as soon as I hopped in.

My shower today was a tease. When I turned the water on, Glory-be and Halleluiah, it was warm! I jumped into the shower without a moment to lose and began washing my hair whilst singing joyous hymns. As I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair, that's when it happened. In a matter of seconds-, no, milliseconds, my shower went from warm and comfortable, to an ice box, yet again. I jumped away from the spouting water with an expression of hatred upon my face. I shook my fist at the shower-head and cursed it. “Why are you so cold?!” I screamed. In a matter of seconds, I was turning off the water and getting out of the shower.

Just typing this to all of you lovely people has turned my bones to ice, and goosebumps are beginning to appear on my arms. Remembering those horrid times from my ice cold shower. My mother is calling the Water-heater-technician-people today and it should be fixed shortly. I only hope I do not have to spend another minute in that freezing water.

In all seriousness though, it really did make me appreciate what I have. Some people don't get showers at all and some people take cold showers every day, so I'm thankful for what I have. It's amazing to me that certain, even miniscule, events in your life can make you appreciate what you have that much more. From a faulty water-heater to losing someone close to you; the impacts may be different, but it conveys the same type of message: You really don't know what you've got until it's gone.

And for all of you people who were laughing throughout this whole post because me saying how horrendous a cold shower was, seems, well, silly to you; I implore you to take a cold shower. I'm not just talking cool water, here. I'm saying the faucet has to be all the way on the “C”. And no chickening out. A full shower, with ice cold water. After you have done that, then feel free to judge. There are so many things we take for granted in life. Look around in your life today; what do you take for granted?

K.G. Sunshine