Saturday, October 29, 2011

CLASSIFIEDS: Princess Looking for a Knight in Shining Armour!

A normal, emotionally-stable young woman who wants nothing more than a guy to take care of her! Guy must be smart, funny, drop-dead gorgeous, and an absolute gentlemen.  He also must love me every second of every day, shower me with gifts and do anything and everything for me.  He basically needs to be a mix between Robert Downey Jr., Gerard Butler and Ryan Gosling.  If you don't fit the description, don't bother contacting me!! You could be the sweetest guy on Earth, but if your ears are too big for your head, our relationship won't work.  Hope to meet my dream-hunk soon!



Desperate times call for desperate measures, which only increases the number of desperate women out there.  I'm sure that I mean desperate in a completely different way than most people.  When some people hear desperate, they think, "Oh, desperate girls are the girls that go around flirting with anyone and going for any guy that talks to them!" I see desperate girls as the type to post something similar to the paragraph above.  Sure, the text above is a bit exaggerated and a little more sarcastic, but the concept is the same.  These girls don't just post them in one place, either; these are EVERYWHERE.  Twitter, Craigslist, Facebook, Myspace, even mass emails! They expect to find a guy with all of their listed qualities while they lie and say they are normal and emotionally-stable/sane.

I know many normal girls; in fact, on good days, I would consider myself one.  Can I just please state for you very bluntly, SANE GIRLS DO NOT DO THAT.  And if they have to specifically state that they are emotionally-stable, get ready for the Mt. Saint Helens of emotional explosions.  Girls telling you they are normal and that there is nothing wrong with them can only mean that they are bad news.

The problem with girls nowadays is that they expect way too much.  Ever since they are really young, they watch all these movies that have the "Prince Charming" that is an all-around awesome dude. Some blame those movies saying that they give girls a false sense of reality.  I blame the girls for being so naive! I mean, come on! You grow up watching all these people around you and how they act and live and (unless you live in an 18th century village next to a royal castle) NO ONE acts how they do in those Disney movies. Why would you think that one of the best parts of the movie is true when nothing else is true? And if you do think the rest of the movie is true, you may want to ask yourself these questions: Is there an evil witch that casts spells? Was there a carry-on size dragon that talks? Were there seven different dwarf-sized men that all had only one personality trait? Have you seen a fairy Godmother? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you either need psychiatric help or have a much more interesting life than I do....


Also, most girls just won't settle for anything different then there dream guy. Now, I have no doubt in my mind that your dream-hunk is out there. The exact hair, exact personality, and exact everything you want. The problem is that he could be hundreds of thousands of miles away from you! He may be somewhere in the world, but you have to think of it this way: 1) you will never meet him, and 2) if he's so awesome, another girl is with him. Don't “settle for less”, but I'm sure there is a guy out there that you get to know and think, “hey, this guy is pretty awesome!” News flash to all you ladies out there: Chances are, you will NOT end up with the “Perfect” guy, but if everything is right, he will be perfect for you.

Now, a lot of girls complain about finding ways to meet guys, too. I can say this with complete confidence: You more than likely will not find a guy while you are sitting behind the computer eating your Ho-Hos and chocolate moose tracks ice cream. Get out and meet people! How, you may ask? Here is a list of ways to meet people:

Bars, clubs, restaurants, bowling alleys, library, movies, conventions, blind/speed dating (although it may be frowned upon, you never know where you will meet your significant other!), sport events, grocery store, mall, cider mill, haunted house, Christmas parties, parties in general, church, soup kitchens (look at other volunteers, but you never know; there are interesting types of people that come into soup kitchens that you can meet!!), coffee shops (Be careful, you might end up smelling like coffee....), parks, nature trails, vacation spots, Wal-Mart, lakes/oceans/pools, Home Depot, ect.

Basically, you can meet ANYONE, ANYWHERE. Isn't it lovely?

And if you see someone you think is cute, just go up and talk to them. The worst that happens, they reject you and you never see them ever again. Who cares? Blow it off like you were just trying to be nice and they were the idiots thinking they were all cool. If you shrug it off like it was nothing, nine times out of ten, they will feel more stupid than you ever will. Likewise, if someone comes up and begins talking to you, don't disregard them right away! 1) they may just be talking to you to be nice, not necessarily hitting on you, and 2) give people a chance, they just might surprise you.

On a final note, I don't know about you other girls out there, but I personally like a guy who is chivalrous. I don't mean olden times chivalry (if you aren't familiar, look up the rules; Many of them wouldn't pass for what girls want with “Modern day chivalry”). I have found various ways to test the gentlemen around me to see if they are worthy or not. One of the more simple ways to test this is the “Ye Ole Door Holding”. I find this works best when you are waiting outside the classroom or if you are entering a place in front of a huge group of people. Simply walk up and hold the door open for everyone (not only does this separate the boys from men, but it also makes you look like a good person!). If a guy just walks in, that's a huge red alarm. If he says thank you, that's a nice thought. But, if he stops and offers you to go first or takes your position as the door holder, that's when you know he's a true man. Sure, you won't find a guy that will take down a huge dragon for a chance to court you, but in this century, holding the door open is a step in the right direction.

K.G. Sunshine

1 comment:

  1. KG... I really enjoy your blog! I didnt know what to expect at first from a young girl who works at a shitty AMC and goes to college as well but you really surprised me, I think you are an excellent writer. Very entertaining. Keep up the good work I look forward to the next post.

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