Why Can't We Be Friends?

Ever since I was a little kid, I remember my mom ushering me to go on and “make friends”. That was all good and well when I was younger, because, let's face it, everyone wants another friend when they were in Kindergarten.

In Kindergarten through fifth grade, it was so easy to make friends. In Kindergarten, you could literally walk up to someone and ask them, “Will you be my friend?” and they would accept the invitation with open arms. You were friends with every person in the class (except for that one boy who picked on you, but later you will figure out the true meaning of that!). You all played on the swings and slides together and invited everyone to your birthday party and had a jolly old time. It gives you this false hope for when you get older.....

Once you hit middle school, it seems like everything changes. In fifth grade you promise everyone that you will still be friends with them, but it never happens. Maybe you stay friends with one or two people, but whether it's because you are in different classes, or just because one of you has changed, usually you won't speak to them more than once or twice. You meet new friends and slowly but surely remove your old friends from the picture.

I don't know how middle school was for all you lovely people out there, but middle school traumatized me. I hated it. I never say I hate something, but I hated middle school. In sixth grade, I made a new best friend. Near the end of the year, we got into a fight. I don't remember what it was about, all I remember was trying to be the bigger person by apologizing, and she wouldn't accept my apology. Then I remember saying something along the lines of, “Well, I didn't really want to apologize anyways. Just a tip for the future, when someone tries to apologize for something, don't be a jerk back!” I wonder why she never talked to me again......

Then, the first day of seventh grade, I was forced to find new friends. I found refuge at a table of girls that seemed normal, just like me! As you know from my previous blog post, the normal ones are the ones you always gotta look out for. Many of them turned out to be psycho, as they would attempt to kick random and unsuspecting people out of the table. I, being who I am, felt bad about it. I would go and sit with the person they abandoned every once in a while and keep them company until they found a new table to sit at. Apparently, this was unsatisfactory behavior to the other girls, and by the end of seventh grade they had kicked me out of their table, too. I didn't go out without a fight though. I told those people EXACTLY what I thought about them and their childish behavior (except as a seventh grader, my vocabulary wasn't as superb as it is now).

So, on the first day of eighth grade, I was stuck trying to find a new group of friends, yet again. I found myself being invited to sit at a table of people, who I ended up very much enjoying. I enjoyed them so much, that some of them are currently my best friends. In fact (although she doesn't remember!), one of my very best friends, Shanna, was the person who offered me to sit with them. I love her so much, and it just so happens that it was her birthday two days ago! Everyone wish her a happy birthday!

Then comes high school, and things flip yet again. I don't even want to get into deep detail into what happened every year because I can sum it up into one sentence, quite frankly. Here goes the sentence: High school was a joke. I'm sure most of you would agree. I was ready to grow up and move on with my life, while everyone else was caught up in the high school “high”, if you will. I was acting more and more like an adult, and saw the rest of the high-schoolers for what they really were: childish. And making new friends; forget about it! If you try the Kindergarten approach you will be outcasted and made fun of, more than likely. If you try to be nice, it won't get you very far. And those friends you made in elementary school; forget about it!

In elementary school I was best friends with Ashley, James, Sam and Tyler. I honestly don't know where any of them are today. Ashley moved to a different city in sixth grade, so we kept in touch until then, and lost contact for a while. We got in touch a few years back, but it just felt so weird, so surreal. We both had changed so much. James, Sam and Tyler actually went to my school all through high school, but I had no idea who they were. I never talked to either of them, because, well, what was I suppose to say? “Oh, remember that one 'Yo Mama' joke you said once in elementary school?” Elementary school was the best of times, but now those people are nothing but strangers to me. Even if I did start talking to them, what did I expect? For us to go back to exchanging 'Yo Mama' jokes and playing soccer at recess? We all have grown up now, and grown up apart. I'm sure we could find a few similar interests, but other than that, we wouldn't have much in common. And if any of you guys are reading this, perchance (it is HIGHLY unlikely), just know that in elementary school, I had the best time. I look back on those times fondly and I wish we all could have stayed friends up to high school like we planned.

Now, being in college, I feel like in some ways it is very similar to Kindergarten. When you are in a new class, if you want any hope of making friends with the people, YOU have to be the one to start the conversation and introduce yourself. If you just sit there and are silent, people won't talk to you. I find this similar to Kindergarten because it reminds me of the “Will you be my friend?” approach. Thinking of it that way makes me laugh, heartily, but it is so true! We all go from having such a large reputation (whether good or bad) in high school because people have grown up with us for the past X years, to not knowing a single thing about almost everyone. It's a new experience for everyone (much like Kindergarten was when we were all young). You are faced with difficult questions: What am I going to do with my life? Am I the person I want to be? Will I be able to pass my classes or should I drop one of them? Why didn't Frodo just fly the eagles from the Shire to Mordor?

Lord of the Rings reference aside, life is hard when it comes to making friends. And as you get older it just becomes harder and harder for you to make friends along the way (especially if you are vapid and rude! Just a tip for some of you girls out there; you're welcome!). I know a secret about making friends though! The best way to approach someone, in my previous experience, is one foot in front of the other. Don't sit back and play through what you think you might say in a conversation, just go in and say it if you want to talk to someone! In the words of Mr. Marshall Mathers, “If you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?” Words to live by. And don't let that opportunity slip by you. You never know when a friend can come in handy!

K.G. Sunshine