People Aren't Smart

So, I was working on my Comparative politics homework and thinking about what I should write about for you lovely people. As I looked at my past grades for the online quizzes and essays, I was instantly reminded how stupid people nowadays are:

Exhibit A: In my comparative politics class, we have weekly online quizzes. Yes, these are taken at your own leisure and on the internet. The program that we use to take the quiz even allows you to select the question text and copy it. So naturally, when I take a comparative politics quiz, I have my good buddy Google open in the next tab. We have 25 minutes for 12 questions. That's more than two minutes per question. We go over the material the class before, for the entire hour and forty-seven minutes. We have articles that he will take questions from, word for word. My average on the quizzes is 11/12, or a 92%. I'm pretty content with this grade, especially since the class average is a 70%. Yes, a C-. That's an 8/12. How you can get four questions wrong when you can use the World Wide Web for EVERY single question completely stumps me. I barely ever do the assigned reading and I still receive at least an A-, if not 100%. It's an ONLINE quiz people, use your resources!

And if you are using your resources and are still getting a 70%, you may want to question the sites you use. www.ponyANDunicorns.blogspot.com/reallyrealinformation is not going to cut it. For obvious reasons.....

Exhibit B: Another example from my comparative politics class: This class is an intensive writing course, so we have to write a short 2-page (Yes, I consider two pages relatively short) essay on a certain topic.

What we are suppose to do: Write a little bit every day, building up to the due date. We have about a week to write these papers.

What I do: Wait until the night before (usually I will close at work), and work on the paper from 11pm-1/2am. Go to bed, hope for the best.

The odds work out in my favor (and I believe I just have God on my side, too). My average grade for the papers are 90%. Considering NO ONE in the class has gotten a 100% and the highest grade he has given out is a 95%, I'm content with that grade. Especially since the class average on the papers is a 65%. It gets even worse when my COLLEGE PROFESSOR in 130 COMPARATIVE POLITICS INTENSIVE WRITING CLASS needs to take a half hour to explain to us the difference between “there”, “their” and “they're”. Or the difference between something being “awry” which by definition means amiss or wrong, and “a rye”, which is a type of bread. REALLY?! A situation can NOT be a loaf of bread, and spelling it like that (in my opinion) makes you look like a fruit. If you don't know how to spell/use a word, the solution is simple! Don't use it.

Or at least look it up on Google for Heaven's sake.

Exhibit C: People assume that just because I sleep in my classes, I'm obviously failing. I especially like to(maybe not necessarily like, but I end up) falling asleep in my Art History, and my Logic class. Art History starts bright and early at eight in the morning! I don't even have to explain myself on that one.... My logic class, I like to use the excuse that, “I know everything and understand it, so it's okay if I fall asleep.” People are stupid for ASSUMING things.

And when a person coddles me and asks me if I need help in the class and “how are you doing? Are you passing? Do you understand the validity equations?” I get a little bit upset. I'm doing great, thanks. And I'm passing with a A, but thanks for your concern! What makes me even more mad about the whole situation is when I find out they are doing worse in the class than I am! I mean, come ON! If you don't know what a certain person is getting in a class, don't assume they are failing. That would be almost as ridiculous as me assuming that those people who are paying attention all the time are passing, which I have found out is NOT true. If you don't know your facts, then don't try to fix something; you just look like a fool when that something turns out not to be broken in the first place, bro.

Exhibit D: Drivers. Woman, Asian, Ginger, Blonde, I don't care. If you are going to floor it and drive like you are right of the Fast and the Furious just to get ahead of me because you know one of our lanes ends, you better go faster than five under speed limit once I'm behind you! In fact, if you were in that of a hurry as soon as the lane was about to end or the light turned green, I would expect you to go at LEAST five over, or else I reserve the right to ride you like a bull at a Spanish festival. Also, they are called turn signals. Oh, and another thing: Swerving for a cute little bunny IS acceptable, but swerving because you are stupid is not. Get off your phone. The “LOL” you were about to send to that cute boy in you calculus class can wait ten minutes until you get to your destination. Chances are you won't end up with him anyway. And sending him an “LOL” is just going to annoy him because after that “LOL” he won't know how to respond.

Exhibit E: When I say, “Sorry, I can't; I have to work,” this is not to be confused with, “Sorry, I'm blowing you off.” Working IS a legitimate excuse and something you can't just get out of, in most cases. When you ask me to do something on a specific day, be prepared for this answer. When I say this answer, don't get all mad at me. I'm WORKING. It's not like I have a choice. I need the money. Don't get mad at me, dude. That would be like me getting mad at you because you can't hang out when you are on your vacation in the Bahamas. It's not like I like working all the time, either. In fact, I greatly dislike it. Bills have to be paid and money has to be made, it's just a fact of life! If you really wanted to hang out with me as bad as you make it seem, you would ask me when I was available and we would see when our schedules match up. And don't EVER ask me to find someone to cover my shift. I'm not getting out of work just because you want to grab a coffee for an hour. It's different if you are planning a trip to Disney World, but other than that, no excuse.

Exhibit F: I like to think of life as a race; People all trying to reach greatness before another. That is very hard to do when people are walking slow in front of me. Life is like a race; in a race, the first lane is left open for people to pass you. So, if you are going to walk slow, in a hallway or on a path, get into lane 2, 3, 4 or 5 and leave some passing room for us fast-walkers out there. If you just mosey on to wherever you go, chances are you are either really laid back or you will end up being late. Being laid back isn't bad, but wouldn't you rather be driven to go to wherever it is you were headed? And being late is a step in the wrong direction on the road to success.

Well, that is all I can think of for you lovely folks tonight. Expect this post to be a continuous project that I go back to in future posts. Are there any things that make you question mankind's intelligence? Post a comment or send me an email with things that make you say, “People are Stupid".

 

 

Oh, and Happy Halloween!

 

K.G. Sunshine

CLASSIFIEDS: Princess Looking for a Knight in Shining Armour!

A normal, emotionally-stable young woman who wants nothing more than a guy to take care of her! Guy must be smart, funny, drop-dead gorgeous, and an absolute gentlemen.  He also must love me every second of every day, shower me with gifts and do anything and everything for me.  He basically needs to be a mix between Robert Downey Jr., Gerard Butler and Ryan Gosling.  If you don't fit the description, don't bother contacting me!! You could be the sweetest guy on Earth, but if your ears are too big for your head, our relationship won't work.  Hope to meet my dream-hunk soon!



Desperate times call for desperate measures, which only increases the number of desperate women out there.  I'm sure that I mean desperate in a completely different way than most people.  When some people hear desperate, they think, "Oh, desperate girls are the girls that go around flirting with anyone and going for any guy that talks to them!" I see desperate girls as the type to post something similar to the paragraph above.  Sure, the text above is a bit exaggerated and a little more sarcastic, but the concept is the same.  These girls don't just post them in one place, either; these are EVERYWHERE.  Twitter, Craigslist, Facebook, Myspace, even mass emails! They expect to find a guy with all of their listed qualities while they lie and say they are normal and emotionally-stable/sane.

I know many normal girls; in fact, on good days, I would consider myself one.  Can I just please state for you very bluntly, SANE GIRLS DO NOT DO THAT.  And if they have to specifically state that they are emotionally-stable, get ready for the Mt. Saint Helens of emotional explosions.  Girls telling you they are normal and that there is nothing wrong with them can only mean that they are bad news.

The problem with girls nowadays is that they expect way too much.  Ever since they are really young, they watch all these movies that have the "Prince Charming" that is an all-around awesome dude. Some blame those movies saying that they give girls a false sense of reality.  I blame the girls for being so naive! I mean, come on! You grow up watching all these people around you and how they act and live and (unless you live in an 18th century village next to a royal castle) NO ONE acts how they do in those Disney movies. Why would you think that one of the best parts of the movie is true when nothing else is true? And if you do think the rest of the movie is true, you may want to ask yourself these questions: Is there an evil witch that casts spells? Was there a carry-on size dragon that talks? Were there seven different dwarf-sized men that all had only one personality trait? Have you seen a fairy Godmother? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you either need psychiatric help or have a much more interesting life than I do....


Also, most girls just won't settle for anything different then there dream guy. Now, I have no doubt in my mind that your dream-hunk is out there. The exact hair, exact personality, and exact everything you want. The problem is that he could be hundreds of thousands of miles away from you! He may be somewhere in the world, but you have to think of it this way: 1) you will never meet him, and 2) if he's so awesome, another girl is with him. Don't “settle for less”, but I'm sure there is a guy out there that you get to know and think, “hey, this guy is pretty awesome!” News flash to all you ladies out there: Chances are, you will NOT end up with the “Perfect” guy, but if everything is right, he will be perfect for you.

Now, a lot of girls complain about finding ways to meet guys, too. I can say this with complete confidence: You more than likely will not find a guy while you are sitting behind the computer eating your Ho-Hos and chocolate moose tracks ice cream. Get out and meet people! How, you may ask? Here is a list of ways to meet people:

Bars, clubs, restaurants, bowling alleys, library, movies, conventions, blind/speed dating (although it may be frowned upon, you never know where you will meet your significant other!), sport events, grocery store, mall, cider mill, haunted house, Christmas parties, parties in general, church, soup kitchens (look at other volunteers, but you never know; there are interesting types of people that come into soup kitchens that you can meet!!), coffee shops (Be careful, you might end up smelling like coffee....), parks, nature trails, vacation spots, Wal-Mart, lakes/oceans/pools, Home Depot, ect.

Basically, you can meet ANYONE, ANYWHERE. Isn't it lovely?

And if you see someone you think is cute, just go up and talk to them. The worst that happens, they reject you and you never see them ever again. Who cares? Blow it off like you were just trying to be nice and they were the idiots thinking they were all cool. If you shrug it off like it was nothing, nine times out of ten, they will feel more stupid than you ever will. Likewise, if someone comes up and begins talking to you, don't disregard them right away! 1) they may just be talking to you to be nice, not necessarily hitting on you, and 2) give people a chance, they just might surprise you.

On a final note, I don't know about you other girls out there, but I personally like a guy who is chivalrous. I don't mean olden times chivalry (if you aren't familiar, look up the rules; Many of them wouldn't pass for what girls want with “Modern day chivalry”). I have found various ways to test the gentlemen around me to see if they are worthy or not. One of the more simple ways to test this is the “Ye Ole Door Holding”. I find this works best when you are waiting outside the classroom or if you are entering a place in front of a huge group of people. Simply walk up and hold the door open for everyone (not only does this separate the boys from men, but it also makes you look like a good person!). If a guy just walks in, that's a huge red alarm. If he says thank you, that's a nice thought. But, if he stops and offers you to go first or takes your position as the door holder, that's when you know he's a true man. Sure, you won't find a guy that will take down a huge dragon for a chance to court you, but in this century, holding the door open is a step in the right direction.

K.G. Sunshine

"You Smell Like Coffee."

  As you may know, I'm a coffee shop slave. For hours on hours I'm at the coffee shop.  I grind the coffee beans for the daily brews, I make espresso drinks, and I'm just sitting in a sea of coffee-air for the duration of my shift. Obviously, by the time I get to leave, I smell like coffee.  Much like when I work at the movie theater, I leave smelling like popcorn.  I'm pretty sure a person cleaning up Port-a-Johns ends up smelling like shit by the end of the day, too. It just happens!

Now, I can live with the fact that I smell like coffee. It smells a lot better than other potential smells (see "shit" in first paragraph), and to be honest, a lot of guys like it! And since I don't have a guy in my life right now, I need all the help I can get!  Anyway, I think you get the fact that I smell like coffee.

Today was a very busy day for me.  Running from one thing to the next with seconds in between my activities.  I had class (which I consequently didn't go to because of trouble with my alarm clock....), work, I had to stop at the bank, and then was spending the night with my mother and sister.  I was already running late once I got to the bank, and all I had to do was cash a check. 

My usual bank lady, Jenny, is a super sweet lady and really nice and I love her. Not to mention she can cash a check in about 2.5 seconds. She wasn't there today.  I wish she was.

Since I work in places where we regularly get busy and must deal with customers/guests in an orderly fashion, nothing in the whole wide world makes me angrier than when I see someone on staff sitting in the back, twiddling their thumbs, while I am using up my precious time to get my crap done. I'm already late, so (to make a bank-type analogy) it's like I needed to take out a loan on time, and that time was spent on watching her follow office butterflies rather than help me out.  There was an old man standing in line behind me and, just by the way he was standing, I can tell he has some sort of bladder problem and is NOT wearing depends, so he had to 86 this place and make it to a toilet. STAT.

I stand in line for ten minutes while the lady at the open bank teller talks about her various bank accounts.

"So, if I open a new sub-account, can I put money into it?" asked the lady.

Bank teller: "Of course! You can transfer money from any of your accounts into your sub accounts."

My Would-Have-Said Answer:  "If you can't put money into it, what's the point of having the sub-account, lady?! Common sense!"

I didn't want to be “that guy”, but I want to be honest with you: I made sure to huff loudly once or twice so she would realize she wasn't the only person in the bank. Too bad Borders closed down, or else I would have referred her to the book, Banking for Dummies. But, that's beside the point. Finally, after another ten minutes of question and answer seminar for incompetents, the lady leaves. I step up to the counter and as soon as I step up to the counter, Butterfly lady comes up to her little office space, and calls over the old man. I was seriously rageface.jpeg.


Instead of commenting on how utterly disgusted I was with the service, I turned to my bank lady and give her a smile. I hand her my evidence of identity. She asks me what she can do, and I hand her the check. I'm thinking, Alright, awesome! I'm getting this check cashed in now and then I can hit the road! Maybe I won't be as late anymore! And that's when she smashes my hopes and dreams.


She begins typing something in the computer, stops and looks up at me. I figure it's going to be something important and all she says is, “You smell like coffee.”




…


Excuse me, what? Why-, I-, I don't even-, what?!






My Would-Have-Said Answer: “JUST CASH THE CHECK!”


What I Said: “Um, yes. I work at a coffee shop.”

To which the bank teller responds with: “Oh, I know. It says the company right here on the check.”

There was that awkward moment of silence where she stared at me waiting for a response. I stared back because, well, what was I suppose to say?! All I want her to do is cash my check! And if she knew I worked at a coffee shop, why would she comment on my smell? Was she trying to say I smelt good, or bad? In which case, who does she think she is saying I smell good/bad? Is she trying to insult me, or trying to hit on me? Either way, not the time or place. I just want to cash in a check, Jesus Christ!

After a few more awkward seconds, she turns back to her computer. Give it another five minutes and I had my money in my hand and was out the door. Not nearly as fast as the 2.5 seconds it would have been with Jenny. The old man even made it out before I did.

I wonder if he made it to the bathroom on time......

K.G. Sunshine